For This Child I Prayed | Trying for Our Second Baby

I probably won’t publish this blog for a month or so, but I wanted to write it now while the gratitude and memories are still fresh.

As crazy as it sounds, I got baby fever shortly after giving birth to our firstborn son.

And by “shortly after,” I mean roughly six weeks after. I literally told my midwife at our six-week checkup that I was ready for baby #2.

The LORD placed the desire for a big family on our hearts when we were in our late 20s. But as we all know, women have this thing called a biological clock.

I was 28 years old when we had our first, and I really wanted to get pregnant with baby #2 before 30.

But there was something in the way of me getting pregnant: my period hadn’t come back yet.

So while I waited for its grand return, I prayed.

Every single day of this year, I prayed that my period would come back. And that I would conceive quickly once it did.

At exactly 9 months postpartum, I started spotting. But it only lasted a day and a half.

Five weeks later, I started spotting again. And sure enough, it turned into a full-fledged six-day period.

I don’t think I’ve ever rejoiced so much about getting my period before (lol). I jumped up and down. I texted some friends who were invested in my cycle returning. And I jokingly said, “I pray this is the first and last period for another 19 months.”

Well, the LORD answered that silly little prayer.

About 10 days after my period ended, I started tracking my ovulation with my trusty ovulation strips.

As my LH started surging, my husband and I tried our best (😉) and ultimately put it in the LORD’s hands.

Then, the lovely Two-Week Wait.

But more like the 9-day wait because pregnancy tests can detect it so early now.

Well, yesterday was day 9 after ovulating.

So I took a pregnancy test, not expecting much.

And to my utter disbelief, I saw the faintest line.

But as we learned with our first, a faint line is a LINE and that’s all that matters! AKA… I’m pregnant!!!

I am pregnant after one cycle of us trying.

God is so good.

He made me wait ten months to get my period back. And He blessed us on the first try.

I can’t tell you the number of conversations I had with people about how I desperately wanted my period back. The number is in the dozens…I had conversations with my husband, mom, MIL, missional community, both of my doulas, most of my friends, even people I rarely talk to.

People probably thought I was nuts, but I didn’t care.

It was a strong desire that the LORD placed on my heart.

But here’s the thing…

He gave me this desire, but I turned it into an idol.

And as we all know, the first commandment is, “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3).

But here I was… turning childbearing into a god. Desiring the gift more than the gift-giver.

And joke’s on me, my little god stole my joy, peace, and contentment.

Until finally one day, I surrendered it to the Lord…

I stopped trying to take control of a biological process that I had no control over.

I stopped prematurely tracking my ovulation (yes, I was tracking it way back in May—when I was still 3 months out from getting my period 🫠).

And the heart posture of my desire changed. I still had the desire, but it wasn’t a god anymore. I felt content.

So as always, God has been teaching me a lot during this season.

The main lesson being that my joy, peace, and contentment come from Him and Him alone. He is my GOD—and I shall have no other gods before Him!

He is the one unchanging thing in my life. The one constant. The King that deserves to be #1.

I’ll end with a note to future Caroline and anyone else whose timeline isn’t resembling the Lord’s timeline: Surrender. Let go. And rest in the God of your salvation. When you do this, the Word says that you will not be shaken:

“I have set the LORD always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.” Psalm 16:8.

Jesus, thank You for being a Father who gives good gifts to His children and a God whose timing is always perfect. Let us believe this with our whole heart today—that Your timing IS perfect, and ours isn’t. I pray that we would find all our contentment in You and not the things of this world. Let us not be easily shaken by our circumstances or unfulfilled desires. Rather, let us stand firm!